but sure don't know who call's what she's doing "art"????

3 couples, a set of newly weds, a couple of middle age folks and an elderly couple, want to join the church, but they have to go to special classes once a week and they all have to abstain from sex for 30 days.
After 30 days the elderly couple said " we made all the meetings, and we haven't had sex in years". They were allowed to join.

The middle age couple said, "we made all the meeting too, and although there was a close call in the bathroom, we managed to behave and abstain". They were allowed to join too.

The Newlyweds said, " We made all the meetings, but on the last day my sexy new bride dropped a can of peas on the floor, and when she bent over to pick it up, I got aroused and we had sex, right there on the spot!!"

The church elders said "Sorry you can't join our church". The newlyweds said, "Well, that's OK, we can't get back into the Grocery Store either"

INTERESTING OBSERVATION



1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.


2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.

3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.


5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.


And...
6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.






THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:


The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
There must be a boat load of people in Washington playing marbles.

You know you WILL PASS THIS ONE ON!

That will be passed!

Three women, a blond, brunette and a redhead, are all applying for the same bank teller job. At the conclusion of the interview, the bank president asks the blond, "If at the end of your shift, you found an extra $100 in your till, what would you do?"

The blond replies, "well, I would report it to my supervisor."

The brunette says, "I would donate it to my church the following Sunday."

The redhead answers, "I would keep it for myself, and so would those bitches. They're just telling you what they think you want to hear.

The bank president thanks them, and informs them they will be notified within the week.

So, which one got the job???????







The one with the biggest boobs!

Here's my contribution that a friend recently sent me.

Understanding Engineers #1
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!"
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers #5
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers #6
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers #7Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers #8
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."

And Finally
Understanding Engineers #9
Two engineers???
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently serving in the United States Congress.

This asshole looked at my beer belly last night and
sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or
Bud?"
I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and
find out."