Dear Emily Post-Avant,

Have you seen the latest Paris Review Daily post by Anthony Madrid, whom you gently teased in your post of November 30, on Jorge Luis Borges? It’s up today: Emily Post-Avant: On Anthony Madrid, Borges, Scary Coins, Spanish Grammar, Homophones, Religious Semiotics, Fictional Hermeneutics, and Pessoa, 11/21/19

He be like all definitely throwing some shade your way! Nellie Oleson, C’est Moi

Won’t you tell us what you think? Pretty please?

–English Major at Montclair State University


Dear English Major at Montclair State University,

Hey, do you know Michael Robbins? I believe he teaches there. I knew Michael before my big life-change. He’s a sweet, if difficult boy. I love how his poems go MICK/DICK; CLANG/BANG; CAT/MAT. He is the Long-Eye-Lashes Prince of Rime. Around fifteen years ago, I wrote about both him and Anthony and said they each would one day be famous. And then, don’t blink, they were famous! I am happy for them. Even if in one hundred years they’ll be like that song “Dust in the Wind,” by Kansas, while I’ll have a fifty-foot statue of myself in front of the Poetry Foundation. (Is that the right use of “myself,” there, or should it be “me”? Whatever.)

Yes, I had seen the post today by Anthony. I take the tour de force as a high compliment, even if it comes giftwrapped in a cement casing of derision and with a cyanide-dipped purple bow of passive aggression. Really, I have to say: I now like the young man more than ever. He clearly still has some work to do in the area of toughening up his hide–after all, is it that big of a deal I called out his knock-kneed, puerile semiotics? But in many respects (and as he himself admits) he really is very much like me! We be two tease peas in a pod.

I am on the way to my salon (it is called “The Hair Hospital”) to have my locks curled à la Nellie. I want to look like the little bitch does in the shot (on the left), above Anthony’s post. I’m taking my phone so I can show Pierre, who does my hair.

Be good.

–Emily Post-Avant