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Wednesday, February 4, 2015


Once upon a time, there was a girl with a beautiful nose. It was long and thin and straight and the skin was so, so very clear and beautiful and clean and the pores were close together. To bring even more attention to this beauty, she self-inflicted a hole in it with a needle and bar of IVORY SOAP and placed in the hole a beautiful Hindu nose ring which she wore so proudly in her beauty-nose. The diamond sparkled and shone and everyone who looked at her beautiful face and especially her nose, would fall down in ecstasy at the brilliance of her being!
One day, when she was sleeping alone in the forest without her handlers and guardians and playmates, a very big long, long and terrible thing happened. She was dozing so she wasn't sure if it was an insect or a monkey bite or dinosaur spit but something very very bad happened to her. Her nose was the first to experience the effects because within a week, big pussy, maggot infested sores appeared on both sides of her long, thin, beautiful and clean nose. Diamonds disappeared because they couldn't stand being next to this terrible nose, people disappeared because they would look at her nose and puke! Playmates disappeared because mother's would say, "Don't go near that puke-inducing girl because she might have something catchy coming from that pussy nose."
The once beautiful princess cried and screamed and ate lots of bread and watched junk TV and shut herself inside her play-cave and had visions of icelands and wings and mothers who rock their infants for hours. Each morning she would look in the lake she used as a mirror and THERE IT WAS! Only it was getting pussier and bigger and spreading and there was nothing she could do but sleep it off.
We wonder what will be the DEUS EX MACHINA in this story? It did happen, in a dream of course, because one afternoon, while lying in the grass, covering her nose with one of her 497 scarves, she felt a strange sensation of warmth fill her entire body.  And of course a voice, " Oh nosey, you asked for special secret gifts of letting go of your BIGGGG FAT EGO, right? Well here it is. From now on you will never again think, ohhhhhhhhh  how special I AM, oh how great I AM, oh how beautiful I AM. Ha Ha HA. Those days are over, NOSEY. WHY? Because you are filled with as much pus and shit and demolishment as everyone else.  And guess what, you aren't beautiful on the outside anymore. In fact, nobody wants to look at  you and maybe even your family won 't even eat with you because they might puke! So take down your signs, hang up your glamorous satins, wash your brittle and few hairs, clean your yellowed teeth and float in the ocean of bliss. And remember, use a snorkel because you  might not have a nose, OK?"
THE END: A TRUE STORY: Linda Mary Montano  January 2015

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